Age

Behold how it creeps up on us

Like an intruder.

Stealing our cherished youth.

That confounded robber!

It leaves us like an empty shell,

Shaky and dreary.

seuss-aging1Looking like a shrivelled witch,

All haggard and scary.

We tire easily day by day,

Overcome by impotence.

No longer sprite and full of health

We now lack confidence.

We remember with sorrow

And also pain,

The money spent on cosmetics

Were only spent in vain.

Then like Ponce De Leon, we seek

To find the fountain of youth.

But in that we soon realized

There’s not a tinge of truth.

So sadly we then agree

That youth’s wage

Is not paid by everlasting beauty

But by age.

 

One of my first poems written when I was about 15 years old.

Advertisements

I Said Love You

Just Friends

Just Friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I said I love you once.
Mistake!
One I thought I’d
Never make.
For we were best friends
And for friendship sake
Your tender heart I
Couldn’t break.

No longer best friends,
You and I.
Just like strangers
Passing by.
And at night I sometimes
Cry
‘I love you’ made
Our friendship die.

Hillbilly Love

th (1)

“I love you so much.”  Said his wife.
“I’m glad that You are in my life.
I’ll give you anything,
Even treat you like a king
And then she pulled out a knife”.

“I love you very much too, hon,
Without you life just won’t be fun.
In the entire world
There’s no better girl.”
And that’s when he pulled out his gun.

“It’s the same two”. said the cops when they came
“They were going at it once again.
We should throw them in jail
Without any bail
Damn hillbillies! They have no shame!”

The wife kissed her man on the mouth
He said, “Now that’s what I’m talkin bout!
I’ll meet you in bed
And please don’t play dead.
One sec while I let the pig out.”

The Author. March 22, 2013

It’s Britney, Bitch!

Let’s get this damn show on the road!
Where the hell is everyone?
I don’t know about you but I am
Here to have some fun.
The show is starting rather late!
Something I rather hate.
Oh, here she is! Pardon me.
My girl Mariah Carey!

What the heck! Who is that?
Mariah in a hat?
Lip syncing? No, can’t be
That’s not my Mariah Carey!
Oh, the opening act, not a switch
Lol, it’s Britney bitch!

 

Interview With The Dead. Pt.II

English: Logo from the television program The ...

English: Logo from the television program The Walking Dead (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After I interviewed the Dead
Questions remained in my head
Was this thing even really true?
I gave a dead man an interview?
Did I make the whole thing up?
The thoughts kept coming, wouldn’t stop.

I needed to prove it was no dream
And things were indeed as they seemed
So off in search of The Dead I went
From grave to grave, I was hell-bent.
And then I saw him standing there
As if formed right out of thin air.

Hey you Dead fella, long time no see
I hope that you still remember me.
The last interview you and I had
Made me think I was raving mad
My friends and family all laughed at me
Interviewing The Dead?  What a loony!
So tell me mister, are you really dead?
Or just playing weird games with my head?

Buddy, you know that I am for real
No fake here.  I am the real deal.
Sorry your friends and family
Questioned your very sanity
You see I am a walking dead.
So let that sink into your head.

But…But how could this be so?
Explain to me. I want to know
Dead people just don’t walk around.
They stay buried within the ground.
How could you achieve this task?
Is what I really want to ask.

 I do belong deep in the earth
Covered in worms and stinky dirt
How I became a walking dead
I can’t decipher in my head.
So I just cannot explain to you
This zombie walking thing I do.

Well thank you anyhow, Zombie man
I wish that I could understand
But with my two eyes I could see
That indeed you are in front of me
This is my last goodbye to you
Many thanks for the interview.

Please say a prayer for my soul
That it might find rest in this hole
Tell your friends and family
That you are sane as sane could be
And you should write another blog too
Call in Interview With The Dead Part II.

Missing Words

Did you hear about that WordPress blogger
Who got decked one day by a jogger?
It was in central park
Not yet quite dark
The runner didn’t see the poor bugger.

His thoughts went flying in the air
Sentences and words everywhere.
Someone lent him a hand
And when he could stand
You should have heard the poor man swear.

He cried, “Son of a bitch! What the fu**!
Of all the darn stinking luck!
What could be worse?
My ideas all lost.
And that damn jogger don’t give a fu##!”

His readers and followers were sad.
But some fellow bloggers were glad.
But it wasn’t a joke
The poor ole bloke
Blogging was all that he had.

He never regained his prowess,
Though he tried and gave it his best.
Then one day he died
From bloggers suicide.
It’s sad but at least he found rest.

RIP Writers Block

Related:

Writers’ block 

Stumped BloggerMiss

I once had sex

I once had sex with a nun.
It wasn’t a whole heap of fun.
I wanted doggie,
She, missionary
At the end she said ‘Bless you son!”

I once had sex with a ghost
The one I remember the most.
For still in my dreams
I can hear her loud screams
Eerie and creepy of course.

I once had sex with an actress
Right on her big comfy mattress.
Man it was good
And I loved Hollywood
Even did it in her Oscar night dress.

I once had sex with an athlete
She asked me to worship her feet
She was much too fast
I just couldn’t last
It felt just like a track meet.

I once had sex with a blogger
LOL, the poor bugger.
It was such a mess
For we met on WordPress
My dear wife wanted to mug her.

I would never have sex with a man
Of that I am not a fan.
I have quite a fear
Of things in my rear
And being touched by another man’s hand.

I once had sex with my wife
The most wonderful time of my life
It was just right
We did it all night
And that’s how she became my wife.

Do I Look Fat In These Jeans?

th (1)Do I look fat in these jeans?
Be careful answering, dear.
Remember what the shrink said?
Reply with care.

You look fine in your damn jeans!
Now stop it already!
What that stupid shrink said
Means not a thing to me.

But baby, I want to know
If I still look hot,
I gained a little bit of weight
And think I have a pot.

 

Can you please just shut up!
I can barely think.
You are so damn annoying,
You make me want to drink!
Do you look fat in your jeans?
No, not a fat chance,
You looked fat even before,
you put on those pants.

No you didn’t go there!
Like someone needs a fight.
I am not too shy
To whup your ass tonight!
You have the nerve to call me fat?
You dirty low-life  snake!
You know I married your sorry ass
For your mommy’s sake?

Screw you! I am outta here!
I can’t live with a witch!
I hate to say this, but you are
Nothing but a bitch!

 

Honey baby please don’t leave,
I promise not to nag.
It’s just that I get like this
When I’m on my rag.
Are you really leaving me?
If so please let me know.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THESE JEANS?
Just answer yes or no.

 

 

(Door slams)

Like Really? `

Now where is that darn thing?

Now where is that darn thing?

(In a teen girl’s voice)

It’s like totally gone!

Like totally!

I just left it here,

Like really!

I’m ticked off

Like seriously!

It’s a pain in the ass

Like royally.

* ***********

You don’t understand

Like nearly.

It’s quite obvious

Like clearly.

I can survive

But barely

I like love that remote.

Like Dearly.

 

 

The author.  Feb.28th 2013