I Sometimes See Dead People

I sometimes see dead people

Oh yes I really do!

And if you look intently

You would see them too.

 

I see them at my work place

The malls and everywhere

They lurk in Government buildings

I see them when I go there.

 

Sometimes they try to trick you

And mess with your head

By pretending to be alive

While actually they are dead.

 

My sister and my cousin too

Are dead as door posts

I pretend I do not know

But I am on to them of course.

 

Yes,  I see dead people

I would never lie to you

And if you don’t believe me

You probably are dead too.

 

 

Author: ME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

What’s In A Rhyme?

I over analyze nursery rhymes

like a detective at the scene of crimes

I sometimes wonder why Jack and Jill

Really went up that grassy hill

I hope it wasn’t against her will

And trust that she was on the pill.

*

Humpty Dumpty climbed up a wall

He asked for it, I meant the fall.

He got scrambled and that’s no joke

But was he organic? Did he have a yoke?

*

Why didn’t  Old Mother Hubbard

Keep an inventory of her cupboard?

Then the crazy old bag would have known

That inside it she would find no bone

No reason to look, Mother Hubbard Dear,

Your F***ing cupboard is really bare!

*

Now who rocks a baby in a tree top?

If you do, then you should stop

You know what else I really think?

Maybe it’s time you see a shrink.

*

The gossipy old woman who swallowed a fly

Should have kept her mouth shut and she wouldn’t have died.

She had a big mouth, what else can I say?

I cannot put it any other way.

*

I also feel bad for little Jack Horner

Spending Christmas alone in a corner

He told himself he was a good boy

Then why a pie and not a toy?

*

What the hell is a hickory dock?

And what does is have to do with a clock?

Ok, ok, I’m really done,

Analyzing rhymes is not much fun.

***

Written by the writer April 15th 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Cannibal Brothers From Pakistan

There were two brothers

from Pakistan

Of human flesh they were

Big Fans.

With blood on their beards

These brothers looked weird

As they tear at flesh with their hands.

 

The brothers were never

In a hurry.

Even taking time

To add curry

People feared the worst

When they found missing corpse

And that’s when they started to worry.

 

Now they are both locked up

In jail

With no chance of posting

A bail.

With no bodies to eat

And no more dead meat

They sit and chew on their nails.

 

True story.  Read it here

I Think I Peed My Bed

I peed my bed last night.

I’m an adult, what the heck!

I awoke just before dawn

and my shorts were soaking wet!

 

How could this have happened?

Am I getting sick?

If it’s a sign of cancer

I should see my doctor quick!

 

I didn’t drink before bed

No coffee neither tea

So I have no explanation

For this unexplained pee.

 

But wait, what’s this?

Oh what a terrible sin!

This is something far worse

Than mere nocturnal urine!

 

I must apologize to you

Really thought I peed my bed

But lo and behold dear reader

It was something else instead!

 

Things sometimes are not

Really what they seem

I thought that I had peed my bed

But it was just a dumb wet dream!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not Tonight Dear

Should we have sex, hon?
said Gilles one night.
No we shouldn’t, said Rose
At least not tonight.
I feel ugly and fat
Maybe I am too old
I feel all stuffed up
I think it’s the cold.

Poor Gilles turned over
and he tried to sleep
while beside him his wife
Pretended to weep
It’s not you it’s me
She said with a sob
I have turned into
An unsexy blob.

But Gilles wouldn’t buy it
He loved Rose madly
It’s quite ok, honey
He said to her sadly.
You are fine in my eyes
I’ll always want you
You are, how they say it?
My honey boo boo.

He looked at his wife
Who was crying a puddle
And said Honey dear
It’s fine let’s just cuddle
And that’s what they did
Guess what happened next.
They both fell asleep
No they didn’t have sex.

The Pregnant Nun

DSCN0381

DSCN0381 (Photo credit: Adam Comerford)

There was once a Nun

who had none.

Sex I meant,

not a pun.

Never touched by a man

except on her hand

She said sex was not any fun.

Her stomach was always sore

till she couldn’t take it no more

So she went to the doc

who said ‘You’re so full of croc

You are definitely preggers for sure!’

 

Enhanced by Zemanta

Dying Laughing

If I die laughing

at your humor,

is it murder?

If my joke

splits my side,

and I die,

is it suicide?

*

In a world so sick

where laughter is lost

Kill me at all cost

If not, I will fall

on my own sharp wit

and impale on it.

*

Murder or suicide?

Your joke

or mine?

Either would be fine.

Laughing like a clown

as I leave the world.

Goodbye all.

*

 

 

 

Sir William Tell

I hate your cat,
Can’t you tell?
The one that wears
The silver bell.
I hate the way
He looks at me.
If looks could kill
I’d be dead already.

You treat the thing
Like he’s your baby.
Giving him more love
Than you give to me.
I am sorry sir
William Tell
But you make my life
A living hell!

My girlfriend is
Not yours to steal.
When I’m at her house
I am the third wheel.
Why don’t you play
With your own kind?
What’s yours is yours
And what’s mine is mine!

But William Tell
That ball of fur
Looks at me
Lets out a purr
It’s as if he’s saying,
“I hate you too!
I own your girlfriend
What you gonna do?”

Honey, I’m afraid
One of us must go,
William Tell or me
Just let me know.
My girlfriend said
I had issues,
And I was a prick
For making her choose.

Now I rarely go over
To her place.
I can’t stand to see
Sir William Tell’s face.
I think sometimes
He winks at me,
Saying, “In yore face!
Now who’s yore Daddy?”

By: The Author.  April 10/2013

NaPoWriMo’s prompt for today’s poetry is an un-love poem.

It’s A Damn UFO, Mavis!

Mavis look! Way up in the sky!
Is that a UFO?
No hon, come back to bed
And close the damn window!

But Mavis please come take a look,
And tell me what you think.
My eyes are not fooling me
I never had one drink.

Leave me alone! Let me sleep!
You and your UFO bunk!
Don’t you know it’s 2am?
I am sure you must be drunk!

Well fine! Just lie there in bed!
What do you even know?
It’s a damn UFO, Mavis!
An effing UFO!

Photograph of "an unusual atmospheric occ...

Photograph of “an unusual atmospheric occurrence observed over Sri Lanka,” forwarded to the UK Ministry of Defence by RAF Fylingdales, 2004. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Author.  April. 4th. 2013

NaPoWriMo

Hillbilly Love

th (1)

“I love you so much.”  Said his wife.
“I’m glad that You are in my life.
I’ll give you anything,
Even treat you like a king
And then she pulled out a knife”.

“I love you very much too, hon,
Without you life just won’t be fun.
In the entire world
There’s no better girl.”
And that’s when he pulled out his gun.

“It’s the same two”. said the cops when they came
“They were going at it once again.
We should throw them in jail
Without any bail
Damn hillbillies! They have no shame!”

The wife kissed her man on the mouth
He said, “Now that’s what I’m talkin bout!
I’ll meet you in bed
And please don’t play dead.
One sec while I let the pig out.”

The Author. March 22, 2013