Death Knows No Bias

Death knows no bias, so big and small
No matter who, death takes them all
From the business man in fancy suit
To the homeless hobo, face dark with soot
Eeny Meeny Miny Mo
If it’s you, then you must go.

 

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My Wife The Witch

I dreamt that my wife was a witch

A what?

A witch, you thought I said bitch?

On her broom she sat

Wearing her witch hat

While I fumbled with the damn light switch.

 

And then she cackled at me

Did what?

Cackled, as in laugh crazily

Then she scratched at her toes

with her long pointy nose

And had the nerve to still smile at me.

 

I reached up over the bed

Why for?

The light switch, it was close to my head

But I just couldn’t reach

And I heard her screech

A sound that filled me with dread.

 

So close I could smell her foul breath

Oh really?

Yes,  I was ready for death

But as she pounced

I used every ounce

Of my strength and woke up in sweat.

 

So was your wife really a witch?

Say what?

A witch, you thought I said bitch?

Of course not, you dummy!

She was in bed right beside  me

Do your ears have some sort of glitch?

 

 

Writer:  ME.  April. 22nd 2014

 

 

I Sometimes See Dead People

I sometimes see dead people

Oh yes I really do!

And if you look intently

You would see them too.

 

I see them at my work place

The malls and everywhere

They lurk in Government buildings

I see them when I go there.

 

Sometimes they try to trick you

And mess with your head

By pretending to be alive

While actually they are dead.

 

My sister and my cousin too

Are dead as door posts

I pretend I do not know

But I am on to them of course.

 

Yes,  I see dead people

I would never lie to you

And if you don’t believe me

You probably are dead too.

 

 

Author: ME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poor Old Me

Is that a wrinkled skin I see?

Is that reflection really me?

What happened to my perfect teeth?

What’s that? Oh no crows feet!

I can barely make it up my stairs

(Pardon me, don’t mind my tears)

I used to be so young and spry

Now my bones are old and dried

And I know what’s coming next

One day I’ll say goodbye to sex.

My poor penis would take a dive

No libido no sex drive.

Oh well let the truth be told

I am indeed just getting old.

 

The writer. April 18th 2014

 

 

 

 

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The Cannibal Brothers From Pakistan

There were two brothers

from Pakistan

Of human flesh they were

Big Fans.

With blood on their beards

These brothers looked weird

As they tear at flesh with their hands.

 

The brothers were never

In a hurry.

Even taking time

To add curry

People feared the worst

When they found missing corpse

And that’s when they started to worry.

 

Now they are both locked up

In jail

With no chance of posting

A bail.

With no bodies to eat

And no more dead meat

They sit and chew on their nails.

 

True story.  Read it here

Goodbye Snow!

So long Winter

Goodbye snow

You did your time

Now you must go.

Spring is here

Summer’s coming too

So we must say

Bye bye to you.

You held us in

Your frigid grasp

With temps so cold

We had to gasp.

Now disappear!

Be gone, my foe

No more Winter

No more snow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I’m Going To Write A Book

I’m going to write a book.

A book?

Yes  a book.

A book about me.

About you?

Yes me.

It would sell in stores

Like Amazon

By the scores!

Yes, I should write a book

A recipe book?

No not that!

I can’t cook.

Then what?

About me!

Not about

A recipe!

I’m an author!

You Arthur?

No! An author!

Like a book writer!

Oh, I get it!

You are going to write

A book!

About you

And you can’t cook!

 

Ah! Finally!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Think I Peed My Bed

I peed my bed last night.

I’m an adult, what the heck!

I awoke just before dawn

and my shorts were soaking wet!

 

How could this have happened?

Am I getting sick?

If it’s a sign of cancer

I should see my doctor quick!

 

I didn’t drink before bed

No coffee neither tea

So I have no explanation

For this unexplained pee.

 

But wait, what’s this?

Oh what a terrible sin!

This is something far worse

Than mere nocturnal urine!

 

I must apologize to you

Really thought I peed my bed

But lo and behold dear reader

It was something else instead!

 

Things sometimes are not

Really what they seem

I thought that I had peed my bed

But it was just a dumb wet dream!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Want To…

While my hands rest
On your hips
I want to
Kiss your lips.
Feel your heartbeat
In your chest
As I caress
Your breasts.
I want to feel
Your body
As you lie
Right next to me.
I want to whisper
In your ear
Let you know
How much I care.
I want to say
My love is true
I want to make
Sweet love to you.

Not Tonight Dear

Should we have sex, hon?
said Gilles one night.
No we shouldn’t, said Rose
At least not tonight.
I feel ugly and fat
Maybe I am too old
I feel all stuffed up
I think it’s the cold.

Poor Gilles turned over
and he tried to sleep
while beside him his wife
Pretended to weep
It’s not you it’s me
She said with a sob
I have turned into
An unsexy blob.

But Gilles wouldn’t buy it
He loved Rose madly
It’s quite ok, honey
He said to her sadly.
You are fine in my eyes
I’ll always want you
You are, how they say it?
My honey boo boo.

He looked at his wife
Who was crying a puddle
And said Honey dear
It’s fine let’s just cuddle
And that’s what they did
Guess what happened next.
They both fell asleep
No they didn’t have sex.