Death Knows No Bias

Death knows no bias, so big and small
No matter who, death takes them all
From the business man in fancy suit
To the homeless hobo, face dark with soot
Eeny Meeny Miny Mo
If it’s you, then you must go.

 

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My Wife The Witch

I dreamt that my wife was a witch

A what?

A witch, you thought I said bitch?

On her broom she sat

Wearing her witch hat

While I fumbled with the damn light switch.

 

And then she cackled at me

Did what?

Cackled, as in laugh crazily

Then she scratched at her toes

with her long pointy nose

And had the nerve to still smile at me.

 

I reached up over the bed

Why for?

The light switch, it was close to my head

But I just couldn’t reach

And I heard her screech

A sound that filled me with dread.

 

So close I could smell her foul breath

Oh really?

Yes,  I was ready for death

But as she pounced

I used every ounce

Of my strength and woke up in sweat.

 

So was your wife really a witch?

Say what?

A witch, you thought I said bitch?

Of course not, you dummy!

She was in bed right beside  me

Do your ears have some sort of glitch?

 

 

Writer:  ME.  April. 22nd 2014

 

 

Mirror Image

Hey you there!

why are you

looking at me?

with your accusing eyes,

do you

like what you see?

you think you are

better than me

I can tell.

those eyes…

those lips…

your face rings a bell.

Who are you?

what is

your problem?

All your

negative thoughts

I can read them.

You think

my life’s

just a sham,

and I’m

not who

I pretend that I am.

Well look

at you

mr. perfect!

with gold chains

draping around

your neck.

oh wait!

I have the same

chains too!

which means

you are me

and I  you!

A Poem A Day

A poem a day is what they say
And I of course replied, No Way!
Very grateful that you asked.
But it’s such an impossible task.
And seriously, how many times
Can I reuse the same old rhymes?
You will be quickly bored with me
And my tired old poetry.

A poem a day, they still insist
And I of course granted their wish.
I am honored that you asked.
For me it’s just a simple task.
For in my head are poems galore.
As if I had a poetry store.
A poem a day? A piece of cake.
I’ll do it gladly for my readers’ sake

Written by the author.  March 20. 2013

 

It’s Britney, Bitch!

Let’s get this damn show on the road!
Where the hell is everyone?
I don’t know about you but I am
Here to have some fun.
The show is starting rather late!
Something I rather hate.
Oh, here she is! Pardon me.
My girl Mariah Carey!

What the heck! Who is that?
Mariah in a hat?
Lip syncing? No, can’t be
That’s not my Mariah Carey!
Oh, the opening act, not a switch
Lol, it’s Britney bitch!

 

Like Really? `

Now where is that darn thing?

Now where is that darn thing?

(In a teen girl’s voice)

It’s like totally gone!

Like totally!

I just left it here,

Like really!

I’m ticked off

Like seriously!

It’s a pain in the ass

Like royally.

* ***********

You don’t understand

Like nearly.

It’s quite obvious

Like clearly.

I can survive

But barely

I like love that remote.

Like Dearly.

 

 

The author.  Feb.28th 2013

The Sneeze That Teased

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I once tried to sneeze but just couldn’t.

Begged it to come but it wouldn’t.

The message got to my brain

but ‘Achoo!’ never came

Is it still called a sneeze if it didn’t?

*                            *                                  *

It’s like trying to go number two

And sitting forever on the loo

The feeling is there

But number two is nowhere

The darn poop is now overdue!

*                         *                                *

So back to this sneeze.

Humor me if you please.

I am sure it has happened to you.

It’s a pain in the ass

Sorry, nose.  That’s too crass

But why must you be such a tease?

*                               *                               *

The Author, Feb. 26th 2013

 

The Fly In My Eye

Oh me oh my

I thought I would die

when a fly went in my eye.

I started to shout

then jumped about

until my wife gave me a clout.

 

she said, stop it you fool!

you sound like a tool

crying like a kid in school.

We are in a store

don’t embarrass me more

at least wait till we are out the door

 

People were all staring

my poor eye was tearing

And I totally felt like swearing.

Well woe is me!

I barely can see

honey sorry for being so wimpy.

 

You men are all the same!

Can’t stand a little pain,

driving us women insane!

But honey…NO BUTS!

It’s driving me nuts

I’d rather a thousand cuts.

 

Let’s get out of here

I’ll lose it I fear

you make me pull out my hair.

you and your damn eye

and your silly little fly,

Sometimes I really wish you’d die!

 

But hon, when you bleed

every month you plead

and I always heed.

I gave you your space

in a terrible haste

for a while you don’t see my face.

 

So don’t add flame to my fuel.

there’s no need to be cruel

and pray, let us not duel.

Let me deal with this fly

that’s still in my eye,

today, one of us will die!